RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
high people should be assigned attendants
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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