wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
