You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
