Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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