i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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