I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
