So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
