My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
