one two three fourrrrnication!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
