i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
