remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize