i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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