it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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