dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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