guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
