i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize