She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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