He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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