is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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