She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
