I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
