Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
