You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
