Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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