We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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