He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
