Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize