Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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