theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
