I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
