Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
