remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize