Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
