At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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