just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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