She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
