Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
