One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
