Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i drank out of a bidet.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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