Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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