The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
