Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
