I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
