dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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