I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
