i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
