so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
