Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
