It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
