yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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