I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
