Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
