Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
