She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
