What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
