Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
