Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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