I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
