Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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