Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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