My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
