if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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