If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
