I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just pee around me
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
