I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize