"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
