well most of my day revolves around power hour
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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