Say something about gay babies.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
