Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
