He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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