she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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