Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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