He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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