Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We need to rekindle our bromance
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
