u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
