pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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