Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
