Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
