haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
