he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
