In America we eat man semen.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
