You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
