the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
There are leaves in my underwear?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize