so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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