You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
