I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
