these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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