let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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