Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
