So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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