My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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