Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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