The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I could fuck to npr.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
