They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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