24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
