Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
