I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
