very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
