i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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