Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
