New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
where are my eyebrows?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
