You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
