My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
