he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
