These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
